My Son's Quotes

This thing rocks my buns off!

My son, after shooting his Super Soaker Bazooka.

My son: "Dad, why do we drink water?"
Me: "because we need it to stay alive. Did you know our body is partly made of water? Crazy, huh?"
My son: "what? Where does it go?"
Me: "the water? To our whole body. Some of it can be things like your spit or tears even."
My son: "I am going to catch people's tears in the tiniest bag and then show them to people and say 'these are your tears I have'."

My son: "Dad, how was I able to grow big from a tiny baby?"
Me: "you are growing now, and will keep growing until you are about 18 or so. You know how baby kitties grow into big cats? It's like that, but slower for us."
My son: "wait. Are old mans real then?"
Me: "yeah, you've seen them when we go out."
My son: "oh yeah. So are you going to be an old man?"
Me: "some day."
My son: "I will buy you a nice cane when you are, Dad."

While looking for his cousin...

Me: "where did your cousin go?"
My son: "she is hiding. I think in the sewer. She said 'don't tell anybody except the trees'."

My son (walking slowly up to me with a bowl, spoon and napkin): "Daddy, I brought you desert."
Me: "you did? What is it?"
My son: "ice cream."
Me: "ice cream? Well tha...."
I look into the bowl and see only water
Me: "uh, this is water."
My son: "haha, pranked you!"

You guys! Stop playing butt puppets!

My son, while having an imaginary battle with Mouser (from Mario Brothers) and a Black Knight.

I’m so weak… darn you body, don’t fail me now.

My son, while having an imaginary ninja battle.

My son: "You have to be careful if you go in time, Dad?"
Me: "go in time?"
My son: "yeah, if you go to the 80's there are ninja poodles who are always attacking."
Me: "you mean travel in time? And there are ninja poodles?"
My son: "yep. And in the 80's they invented sandwiches and the stinky sewer. But you don't want to go to the 60's."
Me: "no?"
My son: "no. There's only one stinky village that is always attacked by poodles. But they did invent electric stuff."
Me: "sounds pretty bad."
My son: "and the 10's only have four houses. Three in our country and one in China."

My son: "can you help me build a lab, Dad?"
Me: "a lab? For what?"
My son: "I am going to turn people into creatures, except I am going to make them good guys. Do you think people will want to become creatures?"
Me: "I don't think so."
My son: "it's ok, they will be nice creatures so they will."